The colour of tears
I was waiting at Titagarh railway station for my train to Raipur. It was almost 12 o’clock in the night and my train, which was supposed to come at 12:20, was an hour late.
I told my uncle to go back home as it was too late and my village is 18 km from the station. Titlagarh is an important railway junction which connects eastern Odisha to every part of India. A lot of labourers who migrate from our district generally board trains from this station. That’s why this station is always filled with people who are going to various cities. This is not a very easy site to look at as after so many years of independence our district is one of the poorest districts and produces so many migrant labourers. While I was sitting on a bench thinking this and cursing the government, someone called me, “Dada, where are you going?” It was Nandan from our neighbouring village, standing behind me and asking me with a smile. Nandan ran an E-seva Kendra, where he opened bank accounts, took deposits and all other digital works. His shop was on the main road and was always crowded as he was very sincere and warm in his behaviour. I had met him once or twice but remembered him because of his smiling face and polite behaviour. I asked Nandan what he was doing there in the middle of the night. He said he was waiting for the train to Bangalore.
I inquisitively asked, “How come Bangalore?”
He said he got a job in Bangalore in a garment company. “It’s a supervisory role, decent salary and accommodation.”
I said, “But you are doing pretty well here, why are you going so far?”
He just smiled and said, “Dada, I just wanted to get away from here.”
“But why? People like you should stay here,” I tried advising him. I do this advising thing every now and then. He kept quiet, then I said, “Let’s go and have tea, my train is one hour late. What time is your train?”
“At 3 o’clock.”
“Oh, then we have enough time.”
We went to the nearby tea stall and asked for two cups of tea. There was a young guy in the tea stall full of energy at midnight listening to ’90s Bollywood songs. It was ‘Dil hai ke Manta nahin’ playing, and every single time I came to this station, I could hear these songs. A boy gave us tea in two small paper cups. While taking the sip I said, “Nandan, in case you want a job, I can talk to some bank here for you. You will surely get into a bank or in a microfinance company as you have relevant experience and qualification.” Nandan said, “Dada, it’s not about a job, I just wanted to go away from here.” I tapped on his shoulder and asked if he could talk to me. We went back to our bench and sat there sipping our tea. By that time, I realised it must be something personal because of which Nandan was running away. We chatted for some time about our district and its politics. I tried to comfort him and then again asked why he was going away.
He took a deep breath and began telling his story. Nandan was in love with a girl named Rashmi from his village. Rashmi was the daughter of Sudarshan Mishra, a very respected person in our area. Sudarshan Mishra retired as a headmaster from the village public school. His family were the landlords of their village. He had three sons and one daughter; Rashmi was the youngest one. Rashmi and Nandan met at Karlapada college where they did their graduation together.
Nandan then one day, after watching a couple of Shahrukh Khan’s movies, went to meet Rashmi’s family. Rashmi’s father was present at that time.
He said, “Come and sit, son.” He called his wife also. Nandan touched her feet and took blessing. They were very calm and offered him sweets and tea. Nandan felt confident and after composing himself said, “Uncle and aunty, I am sure Rashmi must have told you that we are in love and want to get married. Trust me, uncle, I will do my best to keep Rashmi very happy. All we need is your blessings.” After listening to Nandan, both of them looked at each other and took a deep breath. Then Rashmi’s mother said, “Son, we have known you since childhood, and you are a good boy. But we are sorry, we would not agree to this matrimony.”
Nandan asked, “But why? Is it because of me being from a lower caste?”
Rashmi’s Mother said, “Son, that’s not the real reason.” She continued,
“Son, I don’t know whether you know this or not but your mom knows that
Rashmi is our adopted daughter. But we have raised her like our own
child. She is the good luck charm of the family and we will do anything
for her, rather, more than we would do for our own child. If we agree to
this marriage, what will people say? That just because she is an
adopted child, we let her go to a humble and lower caste family. We will
not be able to bear that kind of allegation.”
Nandan was a very smart decent boy but from a very humble family and of a lower caste. The caste system may look like it died in metros, but in villages it is still there and keeps cropping up every now and then when it comes to matrimony. Nandan had lost his father at a very early age and he had only his mother. When Nandan talked about Rashmi to his mother, she was happy as Rashmi was a very beautiful and well-mannered girl. But she was not very sure about Rashmi’s family’s had her own doubts as they were a very well-to-do family. When Rashmi talked about their relationship, they didn’t react like in the movies and locked her in a room, but they still said no.
Then she said, “If she were our own child, we probably wouldn’t mind it. But because she is the responsibility we have taken, we will ensure she goes to a rich family. Son, hope you understand.” With a heavy voice she said and tried to control her moist eyes.
Sudarshan Mishra looked at Nandan and tried consoling him, “Son, I know this is not easy for you to handle but trust us we are thinking all good for Rashmi.” Nandan couldn’t say much, touched their feet and came out. Then as he explained, he went into the Devdas mode, started boozing and avoided talking to Rashmi. Rashmi tried contacting Nandan, but he just avoided her for a month.
One day at around 10:30 in the night, Rashmi barged in at Nandan’s house and confronted Nandan, “What’s wrong with you? Why are you punishing me? Even if my parents say no, I can’t live without you. Then what should I do? Should I kill myself?” In one breath Rashmi asked all the questions. Nandan tried to pacify Rashmi and narrated his discussion with her parents. She said, “I know this but I will not be able to live without you.” Then she said, “Let’s elope. We can come back after a year and my parents will agree to our relationship.” Nandan asked, “Are you serious?”
She said, “Yes.”
Rashmi and Nandan planned to elope after a week. Nandan connected with his friend who was in Bangalore, to get him a job and accommodation. He made the railway reservation and did all other relevant planning. On D-day, Nandan first went to the station and waited for Rashmi. She came after one hour as per the planning. Rashmi and Nandan sat on a bench waiting for the train.
Rashmi said, “Nandan, my parents and my brother loved me more than any parents love their own children. I never felt like I was adopted. And if today I elope with you like this, then no one will ever adopt a girl child. I really love you but, Nandan, I don’t think I can do this. If I were their own child then probably, I would have eloped with you without any hesitation. But when I know what they did for me, I will never let them down. Please understand me and forgive me, I can’t do this.” She held Nandan’s hand and looked at his eyes.
Nandan was speechless. “You were the one who asked to elope,” he gathered himself and spoke. He saw tears in Rashmi’s eyes and tried to figure out for whom the tears were, for him or for her parents. But I guess tears have no colours. Rashmi said sorry and went back.
After listening to him I took a long pause. Then I said,” Now your girl is no longer with you, why the hell are you going to Bangalore? He smiled and said, “Dada, as Kangana Ranawat went for honeymoon alone after her marriage was broken, I am also going like that.” I laughed and at the same time, the announcement of my train came.
